He Was My First But I Had To Teach Him Everything

I’m always reading stories from women complaining that their husbands don’t satisfy them in bed. Some say their husbands are clueless about what turns them on, others say they can’t climax, and a few even complain that their husbands last too long. But I want to ask a simple question: do we realise that not all men actually understand the female reproductive system?

Let me share my experience.

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My husband used to be really bad at foreplay. It surprised me because I know I wasn’t the first person he had been intimate with before we got married. I, on the other hand, had never been with anyone else before him.

I know people think women who married as virgins won’t know when the show is bad because they don’t have prior experiences to compare their husbands to. That was not my experience. I knew something was off about our marital relations. I mean, I wasn’t satisfied and I knew it.

I didn’t know how to address this issue. What would he say if I told him? How would he feel? These questions made me suffer in silence. Every time we were doing it, I felt detached from him emotionally and physically. That emotional and physical disconnect in the bedroom started making me withdraw from him in other aspects of our marriage. It got so bad that I didn’t want him to touch me. The art of lovemaking became a thing I resented.

I found excuses to avoid him until one day when I asked myself, “Is it fair to judge my husband and keep him at arm’s length because of this one thing when he’s amazing in so many other areas?” The answer was no. I decided then that I would approach the situation differently.

The opportunity presented itself when we were sexting while he was at work. Yes, that’s how hard he tried to spice up our marriage. We sent each other naughty messages. We talked about all the things we’d do when he came home. I used that moment to guide him in the direction I wanted our bedroom affairs to go.

I playfully suggested the things I wanted him to do and how I wanted to be touched. I even played with his ego a little. I told him that if he did certain things, I would completely surrender to him.

Let’s be honest, men like their egos stroked. Just the idea of a woman surrendering to them has the ability to make them feel powerful and in control.

When he got back home, he was very excited. He eagerly tried everything I had described. Even with that, it was still bad. That’s when I realised that it wasn’t about what to do. He just didn’t know my body. Basically, the guy knew what I wanted but he didn’t know the right spot to touch.

Instead of feeling frustrated, I took his hand and showed him exactly where I wanted to be touched. I even started naming my lady parts, “This right here is my cli*oris. It’s the centre of the whole show. Touch it like this and watch my eyes roll back into my head.”

When he got the drift, I showed him more places to touch and explained each one as I went along. After all, he is my husband, and I am his wife. There’s no shame between us.

Guess what? That moment changed everything in the bedroom. We connected better and bonded well. I understood what it meant by love making is an act of intimacy.

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The truth is, some men are simply too embarrassed to admit they don’t know what they’re doing. Others genuinely think they’re doing it right. All they need is to learn. I believe that as their women, we should teach them without shaming them.

On the issue of men who don’t last long in bed, here’s what I’ve learned in my marriage: certain positions affect stamina. When I’m on top, he lasts longer. In other positions, not so much. So now, I start by getting on top to make sure I get mine first. When I’m satisfied and tired, I let him take over and do whatever he wants until he finishes. That way, we’re both happy.

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I think the biggest issue we women face is shame. We feel shame about our bodies, our desires, and even talking about sex. We don’t want to speak up. But we must. If we can be open, we may realise our husbands just need a little direction and encouragement to satisfy us the way we want.

Let’s not make cheating the default option when things aren’t working in the bedroom. A man can be 90% perfect in every aspect of the marriage, and only be lacking in 10% which is in bed. In my opinion, this is not enough reason to throw away a whole marriage. Ladies, let’s communicate.

—Queensley
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Source: SilentBeads | Continue to Full Story…