His Mother Is Doing Everything To Drive Me Away

I was 29 and in my final year at the university when I started dating Yaw. I had rented a place of my own while he lived in his family home. Our relationship began when I was on vacation. We shared everything with each other. I told him as much about myself as possible. There were things I didn’t tell him right from the beginning. I felt the relationship was too soon to reveal too much of myself.

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After some time together, I went back to school. During one of our long phone conversations, I felt the need to come clean. So I told him, “There is something important I need to share with you but we have to talk in person.”

On my next visit, I told him everything. I revealed that I once had a baby, but she passed away before I met him. The moment I said it, his facial expression and behaviour changed.

When I asked if he was okay, he said “No problem.”

He lied. Indeed, there was a problem. Yaw stopped calling and checking up on me after I returned to school. Eventually, he told me he didn’t want to be with a woman who had already given birth.

I was heartbroken but what could I have done? I decided to move on with my life. He didn’t let me. This man came back and said he was sorry for the way he behaved. I forgave him, and we continued the relationship.

When I was doing my national service, I found out I was pregnant. We agreed that I should keep the baby. Because I lived alone, I went to live with him in his family’s house when the baby arrived.

It was during that time that I noticed certain things I didn’t know about when we lived apart. He was constantly chatting with other women and flirting with them. I didn’t like it but I turned a blind eye to his ways.

One day, a terrible incident happened. My baby got burned with hot water. It wasn’t my fault, but he and his mother accused me of intentionally hurting my own child. They said I did it to spite Yaw because of his womanising behaviour. There was absolutely no truth to this.

Our relationship became unstable. One moment he would tell me, “I love you,” the next moment he would break up with me. It didn’t help that his mother constantly made demands. She expected me to scrub the bathroom every two days, wash their clothes, and do other chores. It was too much for me to handle.

When I suggested that he move out of the family house so we could have peace of mind, he told me I was the problem and that if I couldn’t cope, I should leave. Anyway, I left and went back to my place.

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This man who is causing me all these troubles is someone who has never paid anything to my parents as a dowry, nor has he introduced me officially to his family. I haven’t even met his father yet. I keep asking him to take me to meet his father for a proper introduction, but he always makes excuses. The other day I got fed up and told him, “If you won’t let us have at least an official introduction then I can’t keep working like a maid in your house when I visit you.”

After that conversation, he slapped me because I refused to scrub the bathroom. His mother also added fuel to the flames. She claimed I spoke disrespectfully to her younger sister, so I was no longer acceptable in the family. That one too was not true.

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With everything happening, Yaw still tells me he loves me and wants to marry me. I tell him that if his love is true, then he should move out of his family so I am not greeted by his mother’s hostility when I visit.

It’s not that he can’t rent a place—his mother has said that if he wants to be with me, he must move out and live on his own. So moving out would feel like he chose me over his mother. Meanwhile, whenever I go there, I end up facing problems. Is it a good idea to continue such a relationship? His mother doesn’t like me but he is the father of my child.

—Amanda 
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