I Date Men Who Expect Me To Take Care Of Them Because I Am A Nurse

For the past four years, I have been praying about marriage. That was when I was 26. Now I am 30. I have met men. I think it’s mostly because of my profession as a nurse. I’m always out working with people so it makes sense that I meet a lot of men. Nonetheless, my experience with these men has left me feeling that maybe I was not meant to be in a romantic relationship.

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They come into my life with expectations. And I think these expectations are tied to the fact that I am a nurse, or maybe it’s just because I am a career woman. Can you believe that even though they have jobs they expect me to be responsible for all the expenses in the relationship?

Here is the thing, my money is not even enough for me. I put myself through school, and my mother is unwell. I am the one taking care of her and paying all her medical bills. Due to this, my meagre salary is stretched thin. It’s not as if I have anyone supporting me with extra cash.

That’s why I try to save small amounts whenever I can, just in case I’m in dire need.

I don’t put my financial burdens on the men I meet but they expect me to cook for them with my money and buy them gifts in addition. I wouldn’t mind doing these things if I had enough, but I simply don’t.

Right now, I’m back in school, funding my own education, managing a project, and caring for my sick mother. On top of all this, the man I met earlier this year complains that I don’t take good care of him.

By this, he means, I don’t cook, wash, or give him sex—something I made clear from the very beginning I wasn’t ready to do. When he brought it up and I reminded him of our initial agreement he said, “How would I know you can be a good wife if you don’t do these things? Go and ask your mates what they do for men to marry them.”

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Honestly, I ask myself why I keep meeting men like this. What am I doing wrong to attract them? When I think about it, I start to feel depressed. What if I go through life meeting only this caliber of men? All I want is a man who will come to the table with the mind that we should be partners, rather than expecting me to adopt them and take care of them as if they are toddlers.

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Since I have never encountered such a man, I have this fear that when I finally get married, I’ll still be left to take care of myself and pay my own bills. I’m not lazy, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a man who wants to take care of me as much as they expect me to take care of them?

I want to know what I can do to attract such a man. If not, I may just decide that I am not meant for relationships. But that’s a last resort. I am still trusting God to bring the right man my way. I just need some tips on how to position myself to be found by him.

—Dara
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