I Love Him But I Blocked Him For My Peace Of Mind

Someone connected me to this guy online. He lives abroad, but we’re both Nigerians. We spent quite some time talking and getting to know each other before we started dating. He told me he is a student in the country where he lives. “I’m also a student living with my parents here in Nigeria.”

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Recently, he came to Nigeria for the holidays. When he arrived, we planned to meet in person. His town is a two-hour drive away from mine. When we planned to meet, he sent me money for transportation and asked me to make the trip to his end. I went there on a Sunday.

It was good to see him. Spending time with him was better than I anticipated. We had an easy friendship that didn’t make it seem we were meeting for the first time. Also, he looks better in person than he did in the photos of videos I had seen of him. I left there with a big smile on my face.

“Today was fun,” I texted him when I got home.

“Yes, I enjoyed spending my time with you,” he responded, “may I see you again on Tuesday and Wednesday?”

“Tuesday won’t work for me. I have a job interview. Why don’t you also come to my town so you can see where I live?”

He agreed to make the trip to my end on Wednesday. After my interview on Tuesday, we spoke and made arrangements for his visits. I showed him what car to pick and the landmarks he would see on his way. Then we planned what we would do upon his arrival. It all sounded good on paper.

I was talking to him while I was in bed that night, when he said, “I don’t think I can make it to your place tomorrow. I would prefer it if you came to my end instead.”

I was upset but I kept my composure as I let him understand that I already made plans for our date. “Besides, it’s not safe to travel on your road on such short notice.”

He refused to listen to me. He wanted what he wanted. We argued for over an hour. Neither of us wanted to change our minds. He even tried to tell me what to say to my mother so I could travel. I told him it wasn’t possible.

It was already past midnight, and I was exhausted. I tried to say good night and go have some rest. He chose that moment to apply emotional pressure on me. “You know I am leaving town soon. I just want to see you one more time before I go. Don’t be difficult.”

If choosing my safety and convenience meant I was being difficult then so be it. I chose to be unruly. “I am not coming,” I said firmly, “good night!” Then I went to bed.

When I woke up the next morning, I saw a message from him saying I didn’t care about the relationship. He said he was the only one who was making an effort to make things work. His last line read, “If you were interested in me, you would have come to see me.”

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Although I felt he was wrong in his accusations against me, I also didn’t want to dismiss his feelings. I apologised for making him feel I didn’t care about us.

He was online when I sent the message around 6:00 AM. He read it around 10:00 AM. Even with that, he didn’t respond. I gave him the whole day to acknowledge my apology but not even a word from him.

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I am the kind of woman who can’t stand being ignored by my man. If he is doing this in the beginning, then how would it be when we get used to each other in the future? I wasn’t ready to find out. I liked him a lot but I blocked him for my peace of mind.

While I am trying to move on with my life, I want to know if I was truly at fault for refusing to go to his place a second time. He was the one who cancelled our plans for him to visit me, last minute. Was I supposed to drop everything I was doing and go running to him just because I want to keep the relationship?

—Edwina 
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