Udo Maryanne Okonjo
Love is beautiful. But love is not a financial plan.
Just this week, I sat with a woman in her mid-50s whose story left me heartbroken. She had given up her career for two decades to raise her family. Now, as she approached what should have been her season of stability, she discovered her name had been removed from her husband’s life insurance and she had no ownership claim to the assets they had built together. A lifetime of devotion, but nothing in her name.
Sadly, she is not alone. Across Africa and the global diaspora, many women discover too late that marriage is not a guaranteed wealth plan.
The myth of safety in marriage
For generations, women have been raised with the unspoken script: if you marry well, you’ll be secure. Parents prepare daughters to choose stability over risk, to prioritise financial status in a partner over financial independence for themselves.
But here’s the inconvenient truth: marriage is not an asset class. It is a partnership, not a portfolio. And when women treat marriage as their primary wealth strategy, they expose themselves to unnecessary risk, dependency, and disempowerment.
Real stories, real lessons
One reader recently shared her own journey with me. When she got married, her husband already owned a house. One day, after she accidentally dented the kitchen counter, he remarked, “See what you’re doing to my house.”
Those words pierced. She demanded that her name be placed on the title deed. To his credit, he agreed, and her name has been on every house they’ve purchased since. As she wisely put it, “Start as you mean to go on. If you set the standard early, men will have no choice but to accept it.”
But here’s the twist: years later, when she purchased land in Nigeria, the thought never even crossed her mind to include his name on the deed. “Talk about double standards!” she laughed. “Women too, we have our own skoi skoi.”
Her story reveals two truths:
• Too many women are afraid to ask for ownership within marriage.
• And some women quietly build parallel wealth, often as a form of insurance.
But if wealth is being built in secrecy, can there really be trust?
The cost of dependency
Relying on marriage alone for wealth has devastating consequences:
• Widows are left with nothing because assets were never documented in their names.
• Divorces expose how fragile “joint” wealth really is.
• Professional women shrink their ambitions to avoid intimidating their spouses.
Dependency weakens negotiating power at home, in the boardroom, and in society.
A healthier script: Building with, not through
Strong marriages should multiply wealth, not mask inequality. That requires a mindset shift from dependency to partnership:
• Joint Ventures, Not Just Joint Accounts: Couples can invest together in real estate, businesses, or funds with clarity on ownership.
• Equity in Your Name: Ensure assets, shares, and properties are registered in your name too—not just “for the family”.
• Transparent Conversations: Talk openly about money, wills, and succession. Silence is not safety.
Acknowledging the exceptions
It’s true: not every woman is vulnerable. Some are quietly building their own portfolios, acquiring property, or running businesses outside of the marriage framework. But parallel wealth is not the same as shared vision. True financial empowerment comes when both partners are aligned, transparent, and equally protected.
The call to bold women (and Wise Men)
To the women reading this: your first portfolio is you. Enter marriage with something of your own, and never stop building. Ask the hard questions early — before vows become regrets.
To the men: true partnership means celebrating your wife’s wealth, not fearing it. Wealthy women do not weaken marriages; they strengthen them.
Because at the end of the day, marriage is sacred, but it is not a substitute for strategy. Build love, yes. But also build land, equity, and legacy. Build with your partner, not just through your partner.
The strongest marriages are not just about vows. They’re about vision.
Udo Maryanne Okonjo: The Women, Wealth, and Power Column — Challenging Norms, Creating Wealth, Changing Futures.
Source: Businessday.ng | Read the Full Story…
