She Was Already Pregnant When We Started Dating But That’s Not The Problem

I met her at a friend’s program and we talked. I realized there was chemistry which she herself admitted. We agreed to meet again and see how it would end. A week later, I was at her place spending the night with her.

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I had the best night in my adult life so far and I thanked her for it. It didn’t end there. We met often, sometimes at my place or hers. Regardless of our sex life, anytime I proposed to her she told me no. When I asked why, she told me there was a reason she wasn’t willing to talk about. A month and a few weeks later, she told me she was pregnant.

Naturally, I thought it was me but she told me, “I was already pregnant when I met you. It was the reason I couldn’t accept your proposal. It didn’t sit well with me.”

You may think that was the end of us but no. I’ve been with her, nurturing the pregnancy and also going through the process with her as if I’m the father. The father of the child wanted her to abort. She didn’t and that strained their relationship. It was later I got to know the man who got her pregnant is a married man, hence his insistence on getting rid of it.

She’s currently eight months pregnant. I still play the role as her gardener, nurturing and watering the pregnancy and also helping her get through the night and the difficult phases of the pregnancy. Because of her, I’ve learned a lot of beautiful things about pregnancy. The weird cravings, the mood swings, and sometimes she would insult me as though I was the man who made her pregnant.

I think we’ve bonded very well through this pregnancy. I’m no longer interested in making her my girlfriend. When all is said and done and her mind is free, I will want to marry her so we can continue from here. I told her, “What haven’t I seen already? It’s like we started from the top of the relationship ladder, so I’m not scared to be at the bottom with you.”

She has trust issues. She tells me to go away. She tells me it’s over the day she delivers. There’s a nurse at the antenatal clinic. She thought we were a couple. She used her surname to call me, thinking she was a missus and her surname was mine. At the last antenatal visit, I told the nurse we were not a couple and asked her to speak to her for me. That nurse has been everything, but this girl of mine says no.

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I’m asking if there’s something wrong with the way I think. I know it’s unusual but is it wrong? Her fears are many, including the fact that I may use her past against her. Never in my life will I do that. I’m part of that past so how can I? She doesn’t want me around after giving birth. What next should I do?

—Alex
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