Who Will Marry A Woman With Fertility Issues?

I am a 31-year-old female with sickle cell genotype AC. Growing up, I envisioned getting married right after my first degree or at least, by the age of 26. I was on my way to achieving this when I found out my genotype is AC. All along I thought I was AA. He, on the other hand, always knew he is AC. We had to break up because of it. I was hurt to let him go after being together for five years, but there was nothing else we could have done.

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I was 24 when this happened. Now, I’m 31 and still single. After my first relationship ended, I was scared to commit myself to another relationship, in case it wouldn’t lead to marriage.

Then, in 2019 I was diagnosed with a sub-serosal fibroid. I had to make regular visits to the OBGYN periodically to monitor the growth. During one of my recent appointments, he suggested I do a fertility. The results were disappointing.

I was hopeful that all would be well but it turns out my AMH (Anti-Müllerian Hormone) levels are low. We repeated the test in another lab but the results were no different.

My doctor has advised that I get pregnant as soon as possible if I want to have babies. He also said alternatively, I can freeze my eggs if I don’t have plans of giving birth in the next 2-3 years because my number will keep dropping as I age, and it will narrow my chances of getting pregnant.

Now the thing is, I’m not in a relationship. I don’t even have a talking stage to start with. Not even a man in my life I am interested in starting a relationship. Which means marriage is not likely anytime soon, not to talk of having babies. Unless of course, God pulls a miracle. This means my only workable option is to freeze my eggs. Although it comes with a huge financial cost, I can afford it.

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I am only sharing my story to get clarity on a few things going forward. When a man shows interest in me, I would have to disclose my sickle cell status to them. Do I have to be open about my fertility issues too? If so, let’s be honest, how many men would want to marry me knowing very well everything I am dealing with?

Considering all these uncertainties, is it even worth freezing my eggs? This is because if after marriage we are struggling to conceive, we would have to use my frozen eggs for IVF. And besides the cost, sometimes it takes more than one try for IVF to be successful.

Three Months After Our Breakup, He Got Married

Instead of freezing my eggs, I’m open to adoption. The question again is, how many out there are willing to forego bearing their own children and adopt instead? I have the resources to take care of as many kids as I can adopt if the natural process of motherhood is not my calling. It’s just that while making all these important decisions about my future and parenthood, I need to consider if it would be favourable for the man involved.

I want to be a mother but I don’t want to do it out of wedlock. That’s why I keep wondering how my choices will affect my potential relationships. Any advice for me?

—Ewurakua
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