Years Without A child, My Wife Asked Me to Take a Second Wife – But There Was a Catch

Six years without a child, it felt like the whole world’s eyes were on us. Two strangers would be laughing, and we would think they were laughing at us. I was more worried because my wife was constantly on edge.

My dad called me and asked me to discuss with my wife so I could get another wife. In his own words, “Someone who can give you children.”

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I didn’t mention it to my wife, let alone think about it.

On our ninth anniversary, when my wife was thirty-six years old, she told me, “Why don’t we adopt? Wouldn’t it be better than waiting all our lives?”

I didn’t want to. I was so in my head looking for what I could call my own. We thought of IVF, but we didn’t have the resources. When she realized I wasn’t giving in to adoption, she told me she had given up and couldn’t wait any longer. “If you want a child, you’re a man. Get another wife. But I wouldn’t be here when she comes.”

I wasn’t happy, but I was willing to do it for her. We started the process. We thought it was going to be simple. It took us over a year to be able to get the kind of child we wanted—a girl. She was four when we took her home. I remember that night we both stayed awake looking at her sleeping. I asked my wife, “How do you feel?” She answered, “I feel like we have a heavy responsibility now. We should brace ourselves.”

Two years later, we were at the agency again, ready to go through the laborious process to get another one—a boy. I gave him my name. A mini me. My wife’s life transformed once the kids came in.

She’s called Mom. I’m called Dad. Together, we’ve parented them the way every parent would raise their own kids. The joy and stability they’ve brought into our lives is so immense. It’s not even about having a child to bear your name but to feel committed to a lifetime cause. That’s how we feel, and I tell my wife, “If I knew this earlier, we would have done it long ago.”

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All of a sudden, our lives have meaning. A purpose. If we had our own, it would have been another count to our blessings. That didn’t happen. We can’t question God. What we have now also gives us joy, and that’s the most important thing.

—Audrey
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