I Will Never Turn My Children Against Their Father

I am married to an amazing man, and we have two wonderful kids together. It was only after my marriage that I realised I have missed something essential in life, the emotional bond of my father during my childhood.

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I grew up in a family of six; me, my mum, dad, and my siblings. We were not a struggling family. Back then, my father was an engineer who worked hard to take care of his family. He made sure we didn’t lack anything material. The only thing we lacked was his presence. He travelled a lot, so he spent very little time with us.

My mum also gave a lot of her time to her work. I think she paid more attention to her work than to her marriage. This also created an emotional disconnect between her and us her children.

Whenever she was home and in the mood to talk, her conversations were complaints about our father’s womanising ways. She said most of his trips were not work-related, and that she had suffered in her marriage even before we were born.

“The only reason I am still here is because of you, my children,” she would conclude.

Anytime my dad was away, my mum would cry. Among my siblings, I stayed closest to her side the most. I have seen her cry many times. Seeing those tears made me dislike my father.

My siblings didn’t see anything wrong with my dad. It made it easier for them to bond with him, but for me, that bond never formed. I couldn’t even ask him for money when I went to boarding school. He would have to call me and ask if I had money, then send me some.

When I got to tertiary school, I noticed how my roommates would chat freely with their fathers on the phone, and it would make me cry silently because I wished I could do the same. He didn’t shut me off but the bond just wasn’t there. The siblings who stayed close to him could share their problems with him, but I couldn’t.

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At some point, I worried that my relationship with my father would affect my marriage. My mum’s constant negative stories about my dad also didn’t help matters. Thankfully, I didn’t push away a good man when one came my way.

It took being married to realise my father may not have been as bad as my mum painted him. He was probably just out there working hard for us, while my mum thought he was cheating and used his work as an excuse. The way my husband treats me and our children with love and care is the same way I saw my father take care of us and my mum when I was growing up.

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Now I carry the guilt of not bonding with my dad, and it hurts deeply. I feel I robbed myself of that father-daughter relationship. Unfortunately, it’s too late for me to go back to those years.

I have decided I won’t let my children go through what I did. No matter how things turn out in the future, I will not involve my children in our marital issues. I will not turn them against their father, seeing that he is a good and responsible man. I cannot undo my past but I can protect their childhood. So that’s what I’m going to do.

— Normie
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Source: SilentBeads | Continue to Full Story…